THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH #2

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
\"If you\'re going to kill each other, do it outside – I\'ve just finished cleaning!\"

My mother taught me religion:
\"You\'d better pray that stain will come out of the carpet.\"

My mother taught me about time travel:
\"If you don\'t straighten up, I\'m going to knock you right into the middle of next week!\"

My mother taught me logic:
\"Because I said so, that\'s why.\"

My mother taught me foresight:
\"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you\'re in an accident.\"

My mother taught me irony:
\"Keep laughing and I\'ll give you something to cry about.\"

My mother taught me about the science of osmosis:
\"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!\"

My mother taught me about contortionism:
\"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!\"

My mother taught me about stamina:
\"You\'ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.\"

My mother taught me about weather:
\"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.\"

My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:
\"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen to me then?\"

My mother taught me about hypocrisy:
\"If I\'ve told you once, I\'ve told you a million times: don\'t exaggerate!!\"

My mother taught me the circle of life:
\"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.\"

My mother taught me about behaviour modification:
\"Stop acting like your father!\"

My mother taught me about envy:
\"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don\'t have wonderful parents like you do!\"